I don't know when I wrote this, but it was probably back in October sometime.
The Monkey's Other Paw!
THE MONKEY'S OTHER PAW
by Bert Bluel
As he set out to walk home from
work that Monday afternoon, Bert left the Subway parking lot tired and hungry. His hungriness was odd
considering he just came out of a Subway. He walked with his head down and his spirits low, and then
something caught his eye. “What is it?” he thought to himself. He looked down. Well, he actually looked
to the right a little bit because he was already looking down. He moved a rock and found something
completely unexpected: a monkey’s foot! Or was it a paw? He couldn’t tell right away. He never was a
science major. Anyway, he picked up the unidentified monkey limb and took it home with him, all the
way across the street. Once inside, he took the paw into his room, where he proceeded to look at it.
A half hour went by, and still he was looking at it, when suddenly an idea burst into his head: clean the
paw!! So, he got out some cleaning materials and began his work on the paw. While he was scrubbing
away, he realized that cleaning the paw would be pointless. After all, who cares if their monkey’s paw is
not clean? He was about to quit and go do other pointless things when suddenly the paw began to move.
The fingers moved back and forth, and a voice rang out from the palm. “I am a magical paw,” said the paw.
“Your fortune in finding me is great, and I shall now grant you three wishes. Bert was surprised, but
responded, “Hmmmmm, three wishes, eh?” “Yes, three wishes,” replied the paw.
“Three wishes?”
“Yes.”
“Three wishes?”
“Yes.”
“Three wishes?”
“Yes!!!!!!!”
“Awesome,” Bert finally said. He
looked at the paw and thought of what to wish for. He suddenly had an idea. He thought about it, and
decided to make his first wish. “Paw,” he said to the paw, “My first wish is for $10,000.” The paw’s finger
slowly curled up into the palm, leaving two remaining, but no money for Bert. This angered Bert. It made
him so mad that he threw the paw into the wall. Seconds later, there was a knock at the door. Startled,
Bert jumped. He hit his head because the ceiling was too low to jump. He rubbed his head and answered
the door. It was a man in a suit. Bert, still rubbing his head, opened the door and looked at the man.
The man looked at Bert. Bert rubbed his head. The man reached into his pocket. Bert reached both of
his hands up to rub his head because it was in a lot of pain. The man pulled out a $10,000 bill. He gave
it to Bert. Actually, he put it on the table by the door because both of Bert’s hands were on his head.
Then, just like he’d never been there, he left.
Bert picked up the $10,000 bill and looked at it. He
used it to buy a car. He was happy. In fact, he was so happy he decided to make another wish. He
picked up the paw and said, “Paw, I wish for a giant TV, one with a screen 72 inches wide.” The paw did
the curling thing that it did before, and moments later there was a knock at the door. Bert did not jump
this time, for he was expecting the knocking. He hustled to the door, expecting there to be a 72” TV on
the ground. He opened the door, and it was the man from before. The man stood there with no TV. He
looked at Bert. Bert looked at the man. The man pulled from behind his back a giant box labeled
“FRAGILE.” Bert was happy and put out his arms to receive the box. The man tossed the box into Bert’s
arms, crushing him beneath. The man left again quickly and mysteriously, leaving Bert under the TV he
wished for.
Four minutes went by until finally Bert forced his way out from under the TV. It was then that
he realized something. He realized that this monkey’s paw was hurting him in the process of granting his
wishes. He remembered how the first wish made him hurt his head, and then the second wish left him
crushed under a TV. He was wary of making a third wish. Bert waited days until finally choosing to
make a third wish. He picked up the paw and said, “Paw, I wish for you to go away!” The paw just
scoffed at him, and gave him a weird look. Well, as weird of a look as a monkey’s paw can give. Bert
replied, “No, I mean it, paw. Go away now!” Again, the paw just chuckled at Bert’s attempt to make it
leave. In anger, Bert rolled up his sleeves, or at least tried to because he was wearing a short-sleeved
shirt, and proceeded to throw the monkey’s paw to the floor. He stomped on the evil paw. He stomped
and he stomped and he stomped until his foot was numb. Suddenly, after about 2 hours of stomping,
Bert’s foot went right through the floor. He and the paw fell to their deaths. Well, actually, the paw was
dead from all the stomping, but Bert was fine until he landed on the cold cement in the basement.
Well, after all was said and done, it appears as though the one thing that made Bert happy on that fateful
day after work was the thing that brought about his untimely death. The monkey’s paw brought him
everything he wanted and then more. Well, maybe not exactly. Bert probably didn’t want the death part.
Come to think of it, he probably didn’t want to be crushed by the TV either. However, this story ends with
a happy note. The 72” TV that Bert never got to enjoy was given to his girlfriend Meghan. It brought her
lots of happiness, and it also brought her lots of visitors, because everyone likes big TVs.
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